Leela: (screams) Me: Why do you think you're automatically entitled to a piece of everything I eat? Leela: (screams louder) Me: Oh, right...
My mom recently gifted me with an abstract neon skull beach towel. Here's what happened when she bought it: Mom: (puts towel on counter) Cashier: Ma'am? You do realize these are HUMAN skulls? Mom: Yes, it's for my daughter, she collects them. I'm so thrilled you have something I can get her that will make … Continue reading Beach Towel
So I've got some wasps trying to make a home behind the aluminum siding next to my front door. I was standing on my balcony zoning out after the storm and one of the wasps flew straight at me. Usually I move and make my slightly disturbed distress noise but because my brain has been … Continue reading Good Neighbors
So we had to go to the ER last night. Everything's fine. And I got to take more pictures of random shit on walls. Mr. J. was not amused but he got over it. One of the RNs was very amused and told me to keep doing me. I am happy to oblige. This first … Continue reading More stuff on walls
For some reason we were talking about directions first thing in the morning, literal directions and written instructions. Me: wow thanks for making sure the left and right side of my brain are working. Mr. J.: Yes because that's how you know to take a left instead of two rights. Me: Two rights EQUAL a … Continue reading Directions
Me: If I were a god or goddess who would I be? Mr. J: (silence) Me: Take your time. Mr. J: Ok you know when Hercules fights all the centaurs because he opens a bottle of wine too early or whatever? The wine could only be opened at such and such time on such and … Continue reading Let’s play “who am I”
Me: I've been thinking, instead of telling me "you're doing fine," whenever I feel like shit could you just say "you're okay" instead? I think that will help with my neuroses. Mr. J.: Doesn't that mean the same thing? Me: Yes, but it's different verbiage. Try it. Mr. J.: (disturbed by the verbiage/sarcastic) I don't … Continue reading Anxiety