Let’s play “who am I”

Me: If I were a god or goddess who would I be?

Mr. J: (silence)

Me: Take your time.

Mr. J: Ok you know when Hercules fights all the centaurs because he opens a bottle of wine too early or whatever? The wine could only be opened at such and such time on such and such day? Something like that. Because the wine belonged to all the centaurs and it was special wine.

Me: …yeah…

Mr. J: You’re whoever gave Hercules’s friend that wine.

Me: I’m Bacchus? Why? Because I used to drink a lot? I barely drink anymore!

Mr. J: No. Because you’re neurotic as fuck and need things to happen in specific ways at specific times otherwise everything goes horribly wrong.

Note: I think Mr. J made up the part about the wine being reserved for a specific time and place and I’m not sure if Bacchus gave the wine to the centaurs or if they just got it from the local ABC store but it’s still funny.